Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that ~ Martin Luther King Jr.
It was early morning when I heard Sunil Jaglan – the man behind #SelfieWithDaughter campaign for the first time on 93.5 Red FM while driving. When RJ Raunak asked him his reason behind the campaign, he said, “when my daughter was born I was very happy but many around me weren’t. People are happy clicking photos with their sons but not daughters. I wanted to change that and that’s when I thought of this campaign encouraging people to share a photo with their daughter expressing their happiness and pride. These little things change the way people think.”
I remember stopping my car just to listen to his interview. The man had caught my attention not only because of his idea but the fact that it came from my state Haryana which is infamous for a skewed female child sex ratio.
On June 28th, Prime Minister Narendra Modi endorsed the campaign and encouraged people to share #SelfieWithDaughter not as a “Policy” but as a gesture to promote gender equality. The idea became viral not only in India but around the world. Unfortunately, back home, it did not go down well with two women – Shruti Seth and Kavita Krishnan.
While one said that selfie as a device (errr device?) won’t bring any change especially by a #SelfieObsessed PM the other cautioned people against sharing pictures of their daughters since our PM has a record of stalking and could stalk their daughters too (calling someone criminal (stalking is a punishable offence in India) is no character assassination right Ms Krishnan. Sic!)
Just because of political insecurities of few who could not let a beautiful campaign just be, What started as a Love Campaign with beautiful pictures pouring on internet, turned into a Hate War!
At the outset, let me be clear – I am in no ways justifying the abuse, threats and personal remarks made on either Shruti or Kavita. Nothing can justify the extreme abuses hurled at them. I am only expressing my opinion on it and I hope I have the right to.
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So, Shruti Seth believes that #SelfieWithDaughter campaign would not bring any change. In fact she expresses in her tweets that she would wait for the day when she is proven right. I am not sure if she would read this ever, but in case, let me begin by asking – “Shruti, have you heard of Slut Walk or nude protests by women or campaigns like #HeForShe or #KissOfLove (I am sure this one you have)? What do these campaigns really do? What exactly do lacs spent on concerts/shows apparently for the girl child or women safety do apart from entertaining people, making already rich performers richer? What exactly do the 5-star conferences with 5-star activists organized for discussing issues about women do when the women they are discussing slog in scorching heat to earn a meal for one time? Have you ever raised a suspicion on them? Before posting that tweet did you even care once to google the government’s initiatives launched for girl child? Would you tweet the same if Kejriwal supported this campaign and went on radio talking about it?” I doubt you would. I am not a Bhakt but then I can totally relate to people of your ilk who think this one man needs to be ridiculed at any cost even when he is trying to correct things that have gone so horribly wrong in this country. Even when it is about an absolutely apolitical campaign like this!
Because of this episode many people have written off freedom of expression and dissent in this country. I would urge them to read about Raif Badawi – a blogger in Saudi Arabia who has been sentenced to imprisonment for 10 years and 1000 lashes just for expressing his thoughts through his website. That is what curbing freedom of expression really means. We are in a country where a law like section 66A of the IT Act has been struck down as Supreme Court observed that it hits at the root of liberty and freedom of expression, two cardinal pillars of democracy. So in a country like that, everyone has a right to say what they want sans the abuse in an ideal situation but then ideal…
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When Shruti accuses men of posting pictures with daughters only for favourites and re-tweets and questions women on upbringing of their sons just because they chose to ridicule her opinion, she isn’t too different from them either. Her claim that this is no country for woman is nothing but sympathy gathering conclusion to this whole episode when she has herself abused people, called them B***h and C*****e when enraged. Her supporters – the likes of Raghu and Rams themselves use worst profanities extremely demeaning to women. But since they all belong to a certain political clout, reason for her tweet in the first place according to me, they can pat each other’s back without bothering about their own attitudes to dissent. What’s strange is, Shruti, even with all her concern for India’s daughters, hasn’t found time to even congratulate the ones who have topped UPSC, won hockey, badminton titles in the world recently, making India proud. Ahhh… love for daughters…she’s still busy basking in the glory of the controversy and becoming more famous than the campaign on twitter!!!
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The narrative of respect a woman just because she is a woman is sexist, misplaced and an expression of female chauvinism. No one gets respect because of their gender. I can only imagine what a man, had he tweeted like Shruti or Kavita be subjected to. They found many supporters, he would have found none. I feel sad that women today want to express their opinion just as they want. Call anyone anything the way they feel. Fight and indulge in online abuse the way they please. But when it all backfires or people resort to abuse, they bring respect, dignity of a woman. Calling any male a rapist, dowry seeker, molester, stalker comes easy to women today. That in their view is no insult to dignity or respect of a man but anything against a woman is.
Online abuse because of difference of opinion on basis of whatever – political inclination, religion, ideals, beliefs and even food (beef ban remember?) – is not limited to gender. I have seen men abusing women and men and women abusing women and men both in the worst way possible. I myself have been subjected to most sickening abuses by women because I rally against misuse of laws by women. So is this a gender issue? No. Anyone who would make this a gender issue would in my opinion be a person who cannot think about any issue beyond the realms of gender which is a sad perspective of a lot of women today. The more they wish to wipe the lines dividing gender the more they bring gender into every conversation etching these lines all the more. I wish Shruti Seth had written an Open letter to Netizens calling for abuse free social media than saying we need to put a restraint only when it is a woman!
#SelfieWithDaughter unfortunately would now be known more by the controversy around it. Thanks to Shruti and Kavita, that this online campaign got vitiated with hate than smiles and beautiful imagery. I hope they sit and ponder on what they did because like I quote in the beginning hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that but they chose to smear a love campaign with hate. Come on!
(Deepika Narayan Bhardwaj is a documentary filmmaker and a social activist working against misuse of women-centric laws.)
***The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of Focus News. The writers are solely responsible for any claims arising out of the contents of this article.